大事一定

i am so pissed off with myself.

first the error in the show which everyone said its a learning opportunity and suggest me to ignore the error. But to the audience, its very ugly and will turn them from coming next show. its 1 of the worst mistakes in shows.

everyone knows i having exam. i been started studying since mid Oct. I even bring books to teacher's place to read while the rest packing their costumes. I knew my own notes is insufficient so i even bother to go around asking ppl for notes eventually yanhong borrowed me hers.

Once i got it, i kept reading after work. Going to libraries, void deck, etc as i knew i cant study at home.

In the end, i juz realised that i been studying the wrong book!
No... nothing wrong with yh's notes.
I having exam for 2.5 first then 2.4 but i had been reading 2.4 notes for the past 2 weeks without realising that 2.5 coming first!

My colleauge sms me to bring windbreaker at abt 8pm last night. Then i remembered that he's taking 2.3 and 2.5 which is wed n thu. This means that my 2.5 is on Thu not next Wed and i yet even look into the notes for this whole week! I can still happily learn cook porridge!

I cant blamed anyone but myself. This few weeks i dont have much things on. No opera, not much shopping. Everyday, work, study. Yet i studied wrong thing.

2 yrs ago, i dreamt that i failed my 2.1 and 2.2 exam. I took those 2 papers in Dec sitting also. In the end, i really failed. i recently dreamt that i will fail this exam. I dont believe i so sway! I dont hope for more. All i want is 51 point and i will be very happy.
As such, i been preparing this exam slightly longer than expected yet i prepared the wrong thing. I dont even know how to take the exam later.

The transition period is almost approaching. I hoping to clear my Level 2 by then (i have 3 more papers to clear.) But this dream is almost impossible liao. With the new syballus, most notes will change and being the first few batches the exam might be difficult.

I really feel like crying but crying wont solve anything. I wanted to go bang wall. THIS IS THE WORST EXAM ERROR THAT I EVEN MADE and it never happened before.

a friend suggested me not to go for the exam and concentrate on the last paper. But i spent 6 mths studying, $400 for course fee $160 exam fees and u want me to give up by not going! NO WAY!

Now i suck at middle of nowhere.
Principle dont allow me not to go exam. If go, also will fail.

Everyone got the leave and money to fly overseas for holiday. And i had to pay almost $1.5k every yr for exam, subscription, course fee. and the currency is British Pound not sgd.

i think i really 失败。 Exam also can make error. Performance also chu chou. Chase gal also no guts.
What the hell i good in.
Quit everything lah. After work, go home sleep. Y i made my life so difficult!
明德阿明德，大事一定。